The past 4 few days I have woken up with an agonising migraine every single morning
I’m starting to get freaked out
The general feeling I get when talking to the males I have met in my lifetime is that somebody somewhere along the line has taught them that that they are powerful, and that their opinions are too. Not just powerful, but more powerful than that of females’. You get the feeling that the idea is pushed onto you that if a man finds something you do, are or like attractive and desirable, that it automatically adds value to it. For example, you could have liked playing a certain instrument your entire life. But your hobby has close to no value attached to it until a guy finds it “hot” when girls play this specific instrument. It is as if your worth is dependent on your desirability, and that your desirability may only be determined by a male perspective. Now I worry about making these types of posts because it often comes across as me hating men, and I really don’t. I hate the entire, stereotypical, patriarchal male mentality. I’m sure there are a lot of genuinely great guys that also find themselves in difficult situations because they get cast out if they deviate from the norm. And of course there are lot of girls who also make the situation worse by doing nothing but encouraging further discrimination by buying into patriarchal ideals. But I just fucking want it to end now because I am so sick of the things I see and hear everywhere. I hear degrading remarks on a daily life. You want to know how many times I’ve been told by a teacher, mother, family member, friend, stranger that my worth isn’t determined by a man? Zero. I do not want girls or boys to grow up into a society like this anymore.
Everyone is quick to say “the world doesn’t owe you anything” but they forget to add that you owe yourself light and warmth and gentleness. The world being hard and cold isn’t supposed to make you hard and cold too.
My biggest problem this year has been sleep and I have so many negative experiences regarding sleep that it’s gotten to the point where I am terrified of going to sleep. I’m terrified of the dark. I’m terrified of closing my eyes. I’m terrified of lying in bed at night. I’m terrified of taking my sleeping meds but even more terrified of not taking them. I basically psyche myself up so much over sleep that I end up being more prone to vivid nightmares and sleep paralysis and all that shit anyway. I create so much anxiety for myself. I really want to be able to sleep like a functional human being again. I hate being so scared every night. I really thought sleep would become easier as other things in my life got better but I can’t seem to get rid of these problems.
I just read a comment on a sex gif that said “I am going to pound your tight ass so hard that I give reverse peristalsis.”