People say that change is the only thing that is constant. I’m not so sure. Several things do change- true. But then there are those things, those feelings that don’t seem to change. Ignorant people will tend to remain trapped in their bubbles, and old habits die hard. It’s  difficult to change somebody stuck in their old ways, and it’s difficult to stop loving certain people. The ironic thing about us is how often we find ourselves feeling like shit. And we say, “I’ve never felt this bad before” or, “I can’t do this anymore.” Hey, don’t be surprised if you find yourself saying the same thing a week or two later. Situations can be so different, yet so similar. You can find yourself facing new people and new challenges in new surroundings, yet having those same feelings creep back into the depths of your skull. I think we battle to be “okay” because we have all suffered deterioration to a certain extent. A problem doesn’t have to be specifically bad to set us off… It just has to trigger something. It has to remind you of a bad past-time, and shortly after infest your thoughts. The reason we’re not “okay” is because we don’t allow ourselves to be. We spend a great amount of time thinking, “I’m here again” and “I can’t have this again”. I wish I could convey in words how much I really do want to be okay. How much I want to take each new experience and challenge as it is and as it comes. Everyday new. I want to be okay, and I want to truly change those difficult things. Those things that are almost set-in-stone Like my mindset, or how I feel about myself. I’m trying to kill the old habits, and stop loving certain people.  I’m really  trying. I’m reallyy going to try. I want to be okay.

Notes

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